HAPPY BIRTHDAY BENNER!

Good Grief ~ I'm REALLY feeling old today. My "baby" brother turned 22 today. Happy Birthday Benner...does anyone still call you that? I was 11 when you were born and Dad almost tore the door off of the camaro backing out of the garage he was so nervous!

Helen was in so much pain and it scared me! When we got to the hospital there were too many laboring women and not enough hospital rooms...so helen and many other women were "parked" in the hallway to labor. I remember that there was one lady who was screaming obscenities akin to the movie "Excorcist" and it scared me.

And the hallway smelled bad. So I crawled under Helen's bed and hid. I remember thinking..."why would ANYONE WANT to go through with something like this?" "This is horrible! This is awful!" (At 11 years old I had only vague notions of what human reproduction entailed ~ and for the most part ~ except for "Magnum PI" ~ I thought boys were gross and annoying. I remember thinking "I will NEVER have children." Ahh yes...humans make plans and god laughs...

Anyway ~ I remember that I hadn't wanted any siblings. I was happy by myself thank you very much, so I was highly offended at your birth debut. I figured that if you had the gall to be born you at least had better be of the female persuasion, because a sister wouldn't be SO bad.

You were a boy (of course). And I was PISSED! But that passed. I remember when you came home and we were all so tired from lack of sleep. But it was a different kind of tired. An exciting kind of tired that possibly only siblings experience when they find each other. I wasn't really responsible for you...but you were my brother. I didn't have to actually raise you. But I got to play with you. I learned how to help change your diapers and how to heat up your formula. I was determined NOT to like you from day one. When I first looked into your eyes and realized that we actually shared genetics it was a powerful emotion. I can't describe it now because my 11 year old self didn't understand the emotions then.

You changed the whole dynamic of our family...but in a good way. You were really my first real "experience" with a baby. I decided that MAYBE someday when I was in my late 30's and done traveling the world, I MIGHT want to have a child. But the first time you smiled at me and responded to my words, you had my heart forever.
As with every thing else fading, dropping, and aging on me my memory has faded. But there are some things I remember from when you were little.

*I called you "benner"
*You liked Peter Rabbit and I would read to you
*I talked to you when you were just a small infant but I could SWEAR by the look on your face that you understood me
*You liked to "ride" around the vacuum when I vacuumed (or for that matter when ANYONE vacuumed) ~ eventually you got too big and the vacuum actually broke
*I used to pick up both of your feet in one hand and hold your butt off the floor while I changed your diaper ~ so I wouldn't get poop or pee anywhere~ and you would giggle (don't you just LOVE my memories...LOL!)
*I would play "walkie man" with you and you would giggle and laugh
*Your 2nd birthday at Chuck E Cheese when it was just you, me, and Helen. I think Dad had to work that night. I remember following you around the restaurant because I was worried you were going to get hurt ~ you were so excited. I still have a picture of you riding on one of the rides. You have pizza on your face and your smiling.
*When you were a baby you liked to growl at people
*Dad used to work the night shift ~ I think (or maybe mids?) anyway ~ we used to go for walks around the neighborhood during the day when you were a baby. Dad and I would take turns pushing the stroller. I felt really important. And I was really proud of you.
*I remember when I was in 9th or 10th grade and you came home crying because some bullies were picking on you and your friend. I was SO ANGRY ~ that someone had hurt you. Of course being the sensible and level-headed adolescent that I was (HA HA HA) I immediately "confronted" the school yard bullies (with my adolescent best friend "cyndie")~ AND made you promise not to say anything to Dad & Helen. They never bothered you again ~ but every time those boys saw me they would "hightail" it in the other direction...lol!
*I remember when I left home (not under the greatest circumstances). Of everything I missed, I missed you and Alex the most. I didn't want you guys to think I was "leaving" you. It was really hard but I tried to act like it wasn't. When I was in basic training and later in technical school I would show a picture of you and alex to everybody. I was afraid that you both were going to forget about me.

Anyway...just some memories I was rehashing earlier. I get nostalgic on birthdays. Other people's birthdays...lol!

I just want you to know that I'm so proud of you ~ and that I'll always be your sister ~ and I'll always be here to stand up for you or just to listen. And you can always come to me...with anything.
kisses and hugs
bran